Day 14: #BlogLikeCrazy – One Word, BOUNDARIES
A few days ago, I made the statement that the internet has ruined us, and I wholeheartedly stand by that statement.
Today, I’d like to make an addition and say not only has the internet ruined us, but so has technology.
Technology has given us unlimited access to not only information but people as well.
In the unlimited access day and age, also comes entitlement, and boundaries have merely gone out of the window.
You see, the internet plus technology, has made people believe that they are obligated to know all and see all.
And, contrary to that belief, it is the furthest thing from the truth.
Which brings us to today’s topic, BOUNDARIES.
A boundary can be defined as a line that marks the limits of an area, a dividing line or a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.
Boundaries are not always visible to the naked eye, but we know they exist.
A property line is a boundary. A football field has a boundary.
Our time, attention, and availability should also have boundaries. Unfortunately, for many of us, that is NOT always the case.
No matter who you are and what you do, I can almost guarantee that someone or something has unlimited access to you.
For many of us, it may be work. Always available, always on call, never a true OFF day.
For others, it could be our friends and family. There is always a do, do, do mentality and NEVER a rest and recharge period.
Lastly, for some of us, we need to place a boundary for ourselves. We need to use the full sentence of “NO” more often.
No matter what category you fall into, it’s time to set some boundaries so that you can regain your peace.
The work boundary is probably one of the easier boundaries to set because the NEWSFLASH there is that, if anything happens to you today, you WILL be replaced.
It’s a harsh but truthful reality we live in, and it is that reality that helped me re-evaluate my work ethic.
I spent a period of my career being the “go-to person”, no matter what it cost me, I would get it done.
I later realized that we spend so much time pouring into our careers that we do not take time off and even if we’re “OFF” we still make time to answer, “just one more question”.
We are a very OVERWORKED and underpaid society because even our jobs sometimes feel as if we should always be available when needed.
Personally, my 9-5 has never really been very lenient on working unscheduled hours but I have sacrificed breaks in the spirit of “getting it done”.
I also poured a lot of time and attention into Key Inspires.
So much so that if someone had a “resume emergency” I would sacrifice my time, even if it meant staying up until midnight, to get things done.
When I think back at that time, staring at my computer, sleep deprived, at 11:30 at night all because I lacked the availability to say NO.
I’ve always had a bit of a “get things done” mentality and it eventually caused me to crash and burn.
As I write this blog, I remember that I once was a person who lacked even the simplest boundary.
Those simple boundaries had NOTHING to do with anyone but myself because I struggled severely with being an overachiever.
In being an overachiever, that’s HOW the money MADE ME (if you missed that conversation, check out Day 13 of #BlogLikeCrazy).
If anyone needed absolutely anything, my answer was always YES because not only was I an overachiever, but my heart also longed to serve others.
In giving an outpour to others, I FORGOT ABOUT KIARA.
Which is why self-care became so important to me. Not only did I begin to implement more self-care, but I also gave myself limits.
I gave myself space to check in with how I was feeling and to say NO if I reached my capacity.
The no’s could be anything from saying no to a client or saying I can’t hang today or even saying no to answering the phone and having conversations I was not in the proper head space for.
The important thing to note is that I stopped saying yes to everything and saying no if I REACHED MY LIMITS.
I won’t go into detail on how to set a boundary for every area of your life, but I will toss out a few ideas on how to set personal boundaries that will in turn trickle into your everyday life.
So, step one is simple.
Before you answer that call, before you overcommit, before you say yes, CHECK IN with yourself to evaluate if you can operate at FULL CAPACITY.
If the answer is no, then there’s your sign to SAY NO and remember, NO is a full sentence.
Secondly, set “office hours” and stick to them. You are only ONE PERSON and therefore you CANNOT do it all.
In your space of overworking yourself, you are failing to show that YOU NEED HELP.
If the ball NEVER drops, HELP can NEVER be provided.
Third, someone else’s emergency is NOT your emergency. If it is NOT a life-or-death situation, TRUST ME, it CAN WAIT.
Lastly, use technology to your advantage.
Set app limits and become BFF’s with do not disturb. Put the phone down and enjoy the company of yourself or your loved ones.
We’ve become a people who lack the ability to give LIFE our undivided attention.
We no longer LIVE IN the moment, but we LIVE FOR the moment.
It’s unfortunate but it has become our foreseeable future. The way of the world may not change, but YOU CAN.
You have all power and authority to determine what can and cannot have your time and attention.
It all starts with a little word called, NO and NO is a FULL SENTENCE.
Until Next Time, #KeyInspires