What you are getting ready to read was originally written for a speaking engagement at a conference for young ladies ranging in ages 13-18. As we enter the 8th Month of the year, I want to challenge you to NEW BEGINNINGS as it pertains to Self-Care, Self-Worth, and Self-Awareness. Although this piece was not originally written as a blog, I feel It is important to share the content.
Remember, you cannot live your best life, BROKEN. ENJOY!
I’ve stopped and started the things I wanted to say to you guys a thousand times over. I am striving to keep it real with you as much as possible so that later in life, you will not become the adult dealing with the hurt and pain of a young girl who doesn’t understand her worth.
Self-Worth, Value, and Identity are three of the most important things you will ever learn about yourself. I am here strictly to speak to you about self-worth, but I could not skip over the relationship of the three.
Who you become, your identity, is based on how you view yourself, self-worth; and once you understand the two, you will see the value you hold as young lady, as a sister, as a friend, as a daughter, etc.
How you view yourself should never be predicated on the opinions and thoughts of other people nor should they be determined by how you feel about your flaws and imperfections. How many likes you receive on Facebook or Instagram and how many people view your story on snapchat, has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
I know this is something that is far more easily said than done, but God never placed you here for you seek to earn validation from people.
Who you are, and your worth is found in God and God alone.
Because I did not understand this at your age, I struggled with thoughts and feelings of not being good enough. I questioned who I was because my father was not present in my life.
I asked myself questions such as, “why am I not good enough for him to be here?” and “what’s wrong with me?” As I grew older, the questions turned into comparison. Because my father was present in the lives of my sisters, but still not mine.
It wasn’t until this past year that I understood that his lack of involvement had nothing to do with me but everything to do with him. There was nothing that I had done wrong. I spent years misunderstanding myself because I lacked affirmation from my Earthly Father when my Heavenly Father was there all along.
Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
The words that I want to point out in this verse is that,He will neither fail you nor abandon you. These words are a promise. It is a reminder that no matter who leaves and who isn’t present, that God is always with you.
Now, as lovely as this all sounds, I did not come to these conclusions alone. I slowed down in life and began paying attention to the cycles of my relationships with men. In that, I found that I always ended up in the same pattern of unsuccessful relationships. There were some broken things in my life, due to my struggles with self-worth, that attracted broken people.
In those relationships, my lack of self-worth caused me to put up with things that I shouldn’t have and to be a person who I was not.
So, I began to go to therapy, through that, I found the root of all of my heartbreak.
I did not know who Kiara was nor did I know the power that she held. I sat before my therapist struggling to pull out positive affirmations. My views of myself, had become so clouded that it was a fight to identify with who God said I was.
But, to overcome this place, my therapist challenged me to find positive words and affirmations to speak over myself.
It began with simple things such as -- I am kind. I am dependable. I am strong. I am reliable. But then it turned into something more because I began to add the word of God and I began to change my prayer life.
I specifically requested that God reveal me to me, and in Him doing so, came the good, the bad, ugly and indifferent. But I also began to pray that He showed me who I was in Him. “God help me to see me how you see me.”
With those things, I stand before you today as a new person -- stronger, better, and greater. I understand the power in knowing who I am because with that, I know what I am worth. I don’t deal with things the way I use to nor do I accept being treated any kind of way.
In order for you to understand your worth you must first understand who you are and what you bring to the table.
Once you understand the power of your worth, you will not deal with that knuckle head who responds to you and pays attention to you when it’s convenient for him. You will not settle for the guy who likes to talk to you and his girlfriend too. You will not settle for the promiscuous man who enjoys entertaining you and a host of other girls. You will not be manipulated by the guy who starts a sentence with the phrase, “you will do this if you love me.”
You will stand up for yourself because you know the power that you hold. Not from a position of manipulation but from a position of knowing who you are and what you bring to table. In this position, your kindness will not be prostituted. You will stand firm against those who seek to manipulate you, you will guard your peace and your heart.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND COMPLETE THIS DECLARATION DAILY:
I am Above and NOT beneath (Deuteronomy 28:13).I am the Head and NOT the Tail (Deuteronomy 28:13).I am the Lender and NOT the borrower (Deuteronomy 28:12). I am a Child of the Most-High God (Galatians 3:28). I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139.14), created in His Own Image (Genesis 1:27). I am who God says I am. I will be all God has called me to be. I am whole. I am free. I am an overcomer. I am NOT the things people have spoken over me. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am a Pearl of Great Price. I am love. I am kindness. I am God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). God is within me (Psalm 46:5). I am chosen (1 Peter 2:9). I am not my past mistakes nor decisions. I am redeemed by the blood of Jesus. God has not abandoned me, He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I will keep fighting, I will keep pressing. I accept me for who I am and who God is growing me to be. I am free from the opinions of people. I am free from word curses I’ve spoken over myself. I am powerful. I am strong. I am courageous. I am worth it. – In Jesus’s Name.