Am I Next?
I’ve debated time and time again on the proper way to begin this blog. Today, I found myself with an extremely heavy heart.
2020 has shown itself to be one HELL of a year.
From Kobe Bryant and his precious baby girl, to a global pandemic, to a mass of countrywide protests and riots as a result of the slaying of another innocent black man.
It is absolutely unbelievable. For days, I’ve found myself a loss for words, hurt, angry, confused, and simply re-evaluating life as a whole.
The things that once seemed important, no longer are.
The pandemic really began the unraveling of where our priorities lied, but after the senseless murder of George Floyd, I’m just…
I actually don’t know what I am right now beyond a young, successful, BLACK female who finds herself living in a slight paranoia of fear and anxiety.
WHO KNEW BEING BLACK IN 2020 WOULD BE SO DANGEROUS?
WHY are my beautiful, strong, and resilient people constantly viewed as a threat? WHY must I find myself in overdrive ensuring that I follow every single traffic law at the risk of being wrongfully pulled over?
My heart races.
Even as I type out these very real and truthful thoughts, my eyes are being to whale. I have a father, I have uncles, I have a brother, I have male friends, and one day, I’ll have a husband and a son, all who look like me.
What happens if one wrong move is made and a cop or someone filled with racism unjustly decides to take matters into their own hands?
I’ve found myself over and over again, simply asking God, WHY?
WHY is this happening? Why are we experiencing this? How am I to continue with a smile on my face as if everything is all good, when truly it’s NOT.
How am I to handle overly nice Americans who are wanting to empathize but simply do not have the words?
Where do we go from here? Is a question I find myself asking.
It concerns me that things will get far worse before it begins to get better. We are experiencing something so profound.
It pains me to think that one day, I’ll have to explain all that has transpired to my unborn children.
It breaks my heart that I will have to sit down and explain to my children how to handle situations when pulled over or questioned simply because someone may have decided to racially profile them one day.
What we are experiencing is heartbreaking, mentally and emotionally draining, and honestly, very scary.
If you’re anything like me, and this is beginning to take a toll on your peace, I strongly encourage you to take a break from the media coverage and social media posts.
What I’ve seen is sickening.
The mockery, lack of human decency, and racism is at an all-time high and it is more than okay to remove yourself from the things that do not support your emotional and mental well-being.
Maintaining your peace and health is a part of demonstrating how YOUR LIFE MATTERS!
We cannot argue with ignorance.
Until next time, STAY SAFE!