Sitting here, waiting for my laptop to turn on.
I’m preparing to do something that, if God would’ve told me to do yesterday, would be filled with nothing but hate and self pity.
Today, December 2, 2018, the Holy Spirit has petitioned me to write a letter to my parents.
Just by reading the second sentence of this here paragraph, you kinda get the idea that the relationships aren’t the best between us.
They are not.
For years, I’ve fought against things that I should’ve faced so that I could be FREE!
The lack of self confidence, the inability to love, the refusal to forgive, not allowing anyone in, and THINKING it was ok to live life alone.
And for all of those mentioned, plus somethings unmentioned, I BLAMED my parents.
I don’t know the why or how behind my father's absence.
I just could always remember knowing his name, Carl Love. I would ask my mom why did she give me her last name all the time. Lol!
“Love” sounds so much better.
I looked for him and MET him when I was 18-19 yrs old. I remember that moment like it was yesterday.
I was so excited!! Lol!
A few months later I told myself that a relationship with him wasn’t worth trying for.
Now, the Holy Spirit has dealt with me about that decision quite a few times.
When He’d tell me to reach out, I would let the thought run around in my head for a little bit.. and then I would.
I’d call my grandmother, his mom, and he’d stay on the phone all of 10 seconds.
Part of me NEVER even expected conversations between he and I to last that long.
Then I would call and not be able to talk to him at all.
So, I GAVE UP. Even though God said otherwise, I HAD given up.
My mom abandoned us when I was around 11 yrs old.
All I could remember about that day was walking home from school to see ALL of our stuff on the curb and three cars just waiting for us.
No one EVER told us, exactly, why and what happened.
We kind of just figured it out as we got older. Her walking away from us wasn’t normal.
She LEFT. Then she would come back around for a little bit. She’d leave again.
And then come back around for a little bit.
This continued to happen up until we were all old enough to have a decision about being in her presence, or allowing her into ours.
We’ve always wanted to know WHY.
We’d ask, but would NEVER ever get an answer.
Although these letters aren’t to ask why, the Holy Spirit told me to write them and ASK them for my forgiveness.
Because I had harbored hatred towards them for so many years.. though they may have assumed, they never knew.
So I have to ask them to forgive me... and tell them that I FORGIVE them.
Now that my perspective has changed, I understand that things HAD to happen the way that they did.
Because I know this now, I can open the door for an opportunity for a new relationship with the both of them.
GOD has a way of putting things together.
So, now I sit here, with a calmed excitement, ready to conquer yet another level of freedom and love!
GOD is GOD! ❤
About the Writer: Lanicia Love
There is a level of freedom God wants us to experience. In my case, I believe that sharing my truth will NOT only help expose the commonality of it, but also show that there’s absolutely nothing that can occur in life, that may be intended to keep you bound, or you can’t be free from. Freedom starts with a choice, trusting God, and ends up being a lifestyle, Faith in God! This was not an easy task for me to accept, but nothing WORTH DOING is easy! I just pray that God is glorified and someone is encouraged! My name is Lanicia Love, and FREEDOM is my TRUTH and my WHY!
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