I’ve lived my childhood being overlooked, outcasted, talked down to, feeling unloved and un-pretty.
I looked to creative outlets to express myself.
I didn’t talk much. I was shy. I strayed away from attention.
While I was in the psychiatric hospital, I kept telling myself that I wasn’t crazy and I didn’t belong there and that everyone had a breaking point and I had definitely reached mine; I was just FINE.
Every group activity we had, I didn’t participate in. I didn’t talk to anyone.
I shut myself down because I felt like I was misplaced.
Until one nurse came in and said these words to me, “Young lady, if you don’t open your mouth you will spend many of days here. I know this is unusual to you and you probably feel like you don’t belong, but keeping your mouth shut will NOT work in your favor.”
I opened up more. I spoke up more. I volunteered more. I raised my hand more. I came out of my comfort zone so that I could be FREE of that place.
Being there was the longest three days of my life!!!
When we shut out the world and allow our struggles to fester on the inside of us, an explosion is bound to happen.
Some people BREAK and NEVER return from it! Some people break FREE!
Being there showed me that my freedom lies behind my tongue. The devil will use the smallest doubts we have about ourselves to keep us bound.
Not expressing what we are dealing with is one of the quickest ways to self sabotage!
No one knew what I was dealing with. No one knew that I didn’t want to live.
I told myself this a week or so ago; I NEVER want to walk around doing life, and hurt like I did on the inside without being able to acknowledge it.
If I’m not OK, I’m not OK... and that is OK!
Being honest with myself, and the people who ask, is ALWAYS going to open a door for HEALING!
So, if you are in a place where you are feeling worthless, and just want to give up on life, I encourage you to talk to someone.
And not just anyone. Seek Godly counsel. See a therapist.
I hear that is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Keep your lines of communication open.
Most importantly, be honest with yourself.
If you are experiencing any thoughts or feelings of suicide, please contact someone immediately.
About the Writer: Lanicia Love
There is a level of FREEDOM God wants us to experience. In my case, I believe that sharing my truth will not only help expose the commonality of it, but also show that there’s absolutely nothing that can occur in life, that may be intended to keep you bound, or you can’t be free from. FREEDOM starts with a choice, trusting God, and ends up being a lifestyle, Faith in God! This was not an easy task for me to accept, but nothing WORTH DOING is easy! I just pray that God is glorified and someone is encouraged! My name is Lanicia Love, and FREEDOM is my TRUTH and my WHY!
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