Let. It. Out.

February 1, 2019

I’ll paint the picture a little bit; I was 22 yrs of age.

 

I was making plans to move to Huntsville, Alabama with my god mom. While visiting Alabama, my car was totaled.

 

Shortly after returning to Detroit, I LOST my job, and soon after had to WALK away from my apartment.

 

I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship.

 

I NEVER really spoke about it to anyone, until I had NO CHOICE but to. My little sister witnessed him putting his hands on me.

 

Fast forward, I am laid up on my homegirl's sofa, arguing with my boyfriend; I believe it was about me going out with my girls.

 

Because he disapproved, and had a nasty way of saying so, I didn’t go.

 

I stayed at her house. On her couch.

 

Feeling worthless! Feeling lifeless! Feeling pointless!

 

I asked my big sister to bring me some pain meds...I told her I was cramping.

 

She brought them to me without second guessing.

 

She left me, thinking that she helped me feel better. She had no clue what I planned to do with those pills.

 

I swallowed HANDFUL, after HANDFUL, after HANDFUL ... and laid on that sofa, waiting to take my LAST breath...

God STOOD over me in that moment, and told me that wasn’t in HIS plans..

 

It wasn’t time for me to go and that wasn’t HIS exit strategy for my life.

 

He made me look at me laying there, ALMOST LIFELESS, and said that would be the LAST time I saw myself that way.

 

HE. WOKE. ME. UP.

 

I called my aunt and had her take me to the hospital. I told her I wasn’t feeling well.

 

We got to the emergency room, I complained of stomach pains. This doctor came in after they hooked me up to an IV and blatantly asked me, “What were you trying to do?”

 

One tear rolled down my cheek...and I couldn’t believe I was about to say it while my aunt was sitting there.

 

I told him I was trying to DIE. They admitted me to a psychiatric hospital.

 

And here is where I want to rest. 

 

If you are experiencing any thoughts or feelings of suicide, please contact someone immediately. 

 

Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

About the Writer: Lanicia Love

 

There is a level of freedom God wants us to experience. In my case, I believe that sharing my truth will not only help expose the commonality of it, but also show that there’s absolutely nothing that can occur in life, that may be intended to keep you bound, or you can’t be free from. Freedom starts with a choice, trusting God, and ends up being a lifestyle, Faith in God! This was not an easy task for me to accept, but nothing WORTH DOING is easy! I just pray that God is glorified and someone is encouraged! My name is Lanicia Love, and FREEDOM is my TRUTH and my WHY!


Keep up with Lancia by following her on Social Media! 

 

Facebook:   Lanicia Love

Instagram: @_nici__love

 

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