God, I'm Mad
Sometimes, you just have to tell it LIKE IT IS!
This last month and a half to two months have been absolutely trying for me mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
If you read my last blog, Cheers to 29 that was ONLY a small piece of what has now been experienced.
Often times, as Christians, we have this misconception that making the decision to walk with God is an easy one.
One without struggle, one without pain, one without tribulations, one without temptation.
Oh BUT boy is that WRONG!!
I don’t think anyone ever realizes how wrong it is until it’s experienced firsthand.
Making the commitment, I MEAN FOR REAL, FOR REAL, to live your life the way God has called you to live it is DIFFICULT.
It’s probably one of the most difficult but yet REWARDING decisions you’ll ever make. WHY?
Because your walk with God is INTENTIONAL in every single aspect.
It’s one that requires discipline, obedience, and the constant and daily decision to turn AWAY from doing what’s easy to do WHAT IS RIGHT.
Let’s be real, LIVING IN SIN, is a breeze!
You do what you want, when you want, with no regrets and no conviction.
Yep, it still comes with its own share of hell, but the hell experienced is all a direct consequence to whatever decision or action that previously took place.
Whereas, the hell experienced when you make the decision to walk with God is INTENTIONALLY SENT to BUILD you, GROW you, MOLD you, USE you, and STRENGTHEN your FAITH and TRUST in Him.
You don’t know WHEN it’s going to come, but you do know it’s to be EXPECTED because the Bible says so, MULTIPLE TIMES!
Don’t believe me? I HAVE RECEIPTS!
1 Peter 4:12-13 says, “Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.”
Romans 8:18 says this, “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”
And lastly, James 1:2-4 says this,“Consider it nothing but joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into various trials. Be assured that the testing of your faith [THROUGH EXPERIENCE] produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace]. And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing.”
So, what does all of that say?
It’s says that, in short, what we perceive as trying and difficult times are all a part of a purpose far beyond us and what our finite mind can understand.
2 Corinthians 1:4-6 puts it this way, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation!”
As peachy as this sounds NOW, it took A LOT for me to come to this inner place of peace.
Quite honestly, just a few weeks ago with tears streaming down my face, I uttered the words, “GOD, I’M MAD... and I DON’T KNOW what else you want me to do. I’ve done all that you’ve asked.”
I had hit ROCK BOTTOM emotionally and I was beyond frustrated.
Here I was trying to stretch myself to be obedient in following God’s instructions, and BOOM, life happens.
Friends weren’t there the way I desired, emotions were all over the place, and to be completely honest I FELT ALONE.
And for the FIRST TIME EVER, I told God that.
In the mist of my anger, for the FIRST TIME in my 29 years of living, I was HONEST WITH GOD about what I felt in that EXACT moment.
I mean, I gave Him every single bit of it, and not in the put together “Christian way”, and it was REFRESHING.
In that moment, the LIGHTBULB went off, “oh THIS is what He meant when He said He calls me FRIEND.”
But to KNOW God as friend, to experience His comfort, I literally had to RELEASE all of my frustrations to Him as if He was laying right beside me as I watered my pillow.
After doing so, a NEW PEACE came over me. I fell asleep and slept like a newborn baby.
Unbothered, undisturbed, with no worry or concern in the world.
Could it be that you have not experienced God in new ways because you have yet to be REAL with Him? What are you still holding on to that is hindering and limiting the growth of your relationship with Him?
It is very difficult for God to be all that you need Him to be when the invitation is NEVER provided.
He is a GENTLEMAN, and He WILL NOT force his way in! So today, at this moment, I challenge you to survey your relationship and conversation with God.
Ask yourself, have I TRULY given this situation, these feelings, and these emotions over to Him.
If you're mad, TELL HIM! If you're frustrated, TELL HIM! Feeling defeated? TELL HIM! Happy? TELL HIM! Whatever it is, I encourage to try something different, and TELL HIM.
Because ONLY in this place of vulnerability will you truly grow in your relationship with God.