Cheers to my 29th Birthday!!!!
I would be lying if I said that “Cheers” and celebration were my initial reactions earlier in the week.
As a matter of fact, Monday was a little cloudy for me.
I felt extremely emotional. I wanted to cry about everything, and this time, the emotionalism could not be blamed on the hormonal imbalance of my period.
Originally, I assumed the flooding emotions were due to old ‘daddy issues’ hurt that tried to resurface.
However, after an early morning session with my therapist, I was able to discuss the past hurt, discuss my response to what triggered my emotions, and move forward.
Upon leaving my session, I felt pretty good.
I had a found a bit of resolve, and I THOUGHT I was okay. But upon returning home, so did the emotional ‘mood’.
I quickly began to survey and take inventory of my emotions; self-awareness is KEY!
My self-inventory began to go a little like this, ‘there was no romantic relationship, my bills are paid, my family is healthy, my friends cool, work is good, business is chill, I am not stressed…what is going on?’
IMMEDIATELY, after asking the question, my thoughts began to run rapid, and it went a little something like this, “You haven’t purchased a home, you aren’t married, and you don’t have kids. You’re almost 30 and WHAT do you have to show for it?”
Almost instantly, my eyes filled with tears.
I was silently dreading my birthday.
In that moment, it was a reminder of everything I had not yet accomplished according to the timeline and plans rolling in “Kiara’s head”.
I felt so defeated. I felt stuck. I felt unsatisfied. I’m sure you’re scratching your head in amazement but that’s just the flat out TRUTH!
But if you know God, you know HE WILL HUMBLE you and CHECK YOUR EMOTIONS, VERY quickly; IF YOU LET HIM!
And guess what, humble me HE DID.
His words were simple, and He said, “Kiara, you are ungrateful.”
Not going to lie that stung a little bit. I mean I was highly offended. But I had NO words. Of course, He was absolutely right!
I remember standing in my room in disbelief thinking “Dang that was harsh”.
But as that thing really began to marinate on the inside of me, my entire mindset shifted. How DARE I speak so childishly of the resume of God!
God, my Abba. God of my Life. Faithful God. Holy God. Unfailing God. My provider, God. My refuge, God. My strong tower God. I mean the list goes on and on and on.
My ‘offensive’ transitioned quickly to conviction.
God said, “Kiara, I have blessed you with a profitable business, a scholarship foundation, a well-paying job, a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food to eat. Why do you feel so dissatisfied, defeated, and stuck? Why are you measuring your life according to your standards and not mine? Who told you all of those things you named had to be, and would be, accomplished according to your plan?”
Here I was wallowing in self-pity because of MY PLANS. Here I was robbing myself of peace and joy because of what I THOUGHT should happen.
Forgetting, I have BROKEN generational curses. Number one, by not settling just for the sake of being married and by number two, not having a child outside of a covenant.
UNGRATEFUL is exactly what I WAS.
But as I share this story and revelation with you, GRATEFUL is what I am!
I am grateful to see 29 years on this Earth. I am grateful of my influence to inspire and encourage those around me. I am grateful to not be where I deserve.
I am grateful that He still keeps me in the mist of my bad decisions, disobedience, AND UNGRATEFULNESS.
My mind shifted when I realized how immature my standard of thinking was. My question to you today is, whose standards are you measuring your life to, yours or God’s?
His Word about His plans are simple, Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you”, says the Lord, “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
So, CHEERS to 29, Just in Time!